Ever longed for having deep and meaningful conversations, but those conversations always seem to stay on the surface level? Here are some tips and mindset shifts that will help you make deeper conversations, and build genuine connections.
By applying these tips, you will also start feeling amazing about yourself along with the other person. As an introvert, these tips completely changed my social experience from insecure to building wonderful friendships & having amazing conversations.
Something Very Important to Understand
Before we start, there is something very important you must understand: We aren’t meant to get along with everyone we meet, and not everyone is able to have meaningful conversations with.
There will be times when we already applied every conversation hack to try to be friends with someone. However, the conversation just seems to go nowhere, or the person we are trying to befriend just seems uninterested in what we have to say (I used to take this so personally).
When this happens, the best solution is to simply let go. In fact, trying to maintain conversations with the wrong people will only drain our energy faster.
Not everyone is worth so much of our energy, and that’s totally okay. Realizing this will enable us to build better connections because now we can save energy for relationships that are actually worth investing in.
1. Let Go of Expectations (Reclaim Your Power)
When it comes to relationships, the fastest way to give away our power is to want something from someone.
This is a form of ego that can show up as wanting to be perceived a certain way, wanting someone to act a certain way, or wanting validation from someone.
If other people’s words or actions don’t fit our expectations, we will become frustrated and feel bad about ourselves.
This is because we are giving away our power by letting other people have control over the way we feel. Even though this is only a thought, it can negatively impact our conversations in many ways.
People can sense that we want something from them, when they do they will subconsciously close off and trust us less. This is because no ones likes to be approached with the intention to have something taken from them.
Therefore, the fastest way to reclaim our power is to let go of our ego and stop expecting anything from anyone.
By focusing less on what we gain, we become more detached, open-minded and willing to give. This mindset allows us to detach and focus more on connecting with those who are actually meant for us.
Mindset Shift to Let Go of Expectations
When meeting new people, try to think less about yourself but more about how to make other people have a wonderful time. To learn more about letting go of the ego, I highly recommend reading the book, Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday. You can also check out my article about managing the ego for building real confidence.
2. The Best Way to Be Interested (for Being Interesting)
You can make more friends in 2 months by becoming interested in people than you can in 2 years by trying to get people interested in you.
Dale Carnegie (How to Win Friends and Influence People)
As we all know, people love it when someone is genuinely interested in what they have to say. And there is definately a great reason to be interested!
The reason is everyone has something special to offer. Their unique experiences, the way they see things can offer us a complete different perspective on approaching the same thing.
This can be extremely helpful when we are trying to solve a problem, or get out of our comfort zone. After all, breakthroughs often require new perspectives and methods.
Therefore, being interested in other people not only makes us more magnetic but also helps us gain more perspective that might come in handy in the future!
Mindset Shift to Feel Excited About Meeting New People
When walking into a room full of people, instead of seeing them as a bunch of humans, try seeing them as a bunch of novel lessons and solutions to your problems. This mindset really helped me shift the way I approach meeting new people.
3. Ask Open-Ended Questions
If you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. Ask questions that other people will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.
Dale Carnegie (How to Win Friends and Influence People)
Incorporate Words Associated with Positive Emotions
After becoming interested in the other person, it is relatively easy to ask open ended questions. A little trick to enahnce your conversation is to use words you want the other person to experience.
For example, if you want them to feel excited, you can ask questions like:
Research shows that hearing and saying the word “excited” actually makes both you and the other person experience excitement!
The same goes for other words. Before long, he or she will start associating your presence with excitement and will start looking forward to meeting you again because you always make their life so happy and exciting.
Prompt Deep Thinking by Asking Questions
Another thing you can ask more about is what they learned from their experience.
This not only helps the person reflect on their life experiences but can also give you a valuable lesson without having to experience it on your own. At the end of the day, our time is limited to try everything, so why not learn it from other people?
Some questions include:
As the conversation flows, it’s also helpful to add in your own experiences to not make the conversation sound like an interview.
A great way to do this is to talk about similar lessons you learn from your experiences that may go hand in hand with their lessons and experiences.
By doing so, you are not only connecting on a deeper level but also leveling up together. This can definitely bring your conversation to the next level.
Questions to Think About for Becoming Engaged in the Conversation
4. Show Appreciation (Initiate the Cycle of Positivity)
We all love to feel seen and appreciated for our efforts. So when you genuinely someone’s work or accomplishments amazing, don’t forget to express it!
I feel like nowadays people usually feel shy or embarrassed to praise someone else because they fear that the other person might react awkwardly.
However, this is usually because most people don’t know how to react when being praised because they are not used to it. By being the person who starts giving genuine compliments, we are starting the cycle of positivity.
It’s Not Just About the Other Person
The most beautiful thing about complimenting others is that we are also experiencing the feeling of being complimented ourselves.
This is because what we give out to the world is a reflection of our inner world, and vice versa. We all had the experience we said something negative about others just to realize that we are actually saying it to ourselves. However, this also meant that saying good things about other people can make us feel amazing about ourselves.
That is why it is so important to always look for something to appreciate and be grateful about in both people and in life! It automatically makes us feel better.
The Key to Initiate the Cycle of Positivity
The positive cycle above can only be activated if the compliment is genuine. This means the magic won’t happen if we are only doing it to get something or to people please.
So don’t just compliment others to for the sake of getting, do it because you genuinely appreciate them. Before long, you will realize that you also started appreciating yourself more.
Questions to Think About for Finding Something You Genuinely Appreciate
5. Project Their Dream Outcome
If your conversation touches the future, you can also project the potential you see in the other person, along with the vision they have always dreamed of.
It’s helpful to imagine yourself as an artist painting out their dream vision, and decorating it with your unique point of view. By doing so, you become a mirror that reflects people’s potential and vision.
Through you, they are able to visualize their dreams come true, and realize certain areas they might need to work on. This alone will make you magnetic and unforgettable.
Final Thoughts
As mentioned previously, the way other people treat us is a reflection of how we treat ourselves. Therefore, a big part of making better conversations is about the connection we have with ourselves.
In other words, you are your own secret ingredient to becoming magnetic and attracting your people. The tips mentioned above are here to help enhance your unique qualities, and to make it more visible to others.
To learn more about strengthening your connection with yourself, you can check out my other articles about building unconditional self-worth, mastering self-discovery, and overcoming jealousy. Hope this helps. Thank you so much for reading! Wish you the best on your self-development journey!
