How to Take Back Control Of Your Happiness

This article is all about taking back control of your happiness by applying the Let Them Theory, inspired by the book “The Let Them Theory” by Mel Robbins. The Let Them Theory has granted me so much peace by learning how to let things be, and to focus on what is actually within my control. I am so excited to share with you how it is going to help you regain control of your happiness!

The Let Them Theory is essentially the art of accepting things that are happening outside of our control (Let Them) + focusing on what we can do to make a difference (Let Me).

Let’s start by gaining a better understanding of the 3 main reasons why we aren’t happy.

Resaons Why We Aren’t Happy

1. We are hyper fixated on the destination that we forgot to enjoy the journey. When things go wrong or not as what we expected, it’s easy to get consumed by the problem that we forgot we hold the power to fix and learn from it.
2. We focus too much on other people. This often leads to comparison and people pleasing, which are known as the thief of joy. We are so consumed by other people’s achievements or pleasing them that we forgot the power we hold for our own happiness.
3. We are so hard on ourselves when we make mistakes. We tend to blame ourselves for making mistakes that we forgot we have the power to transform it.

Despite it’s name, the Let Them Theory is not only useful in dealing with relationship problems. It is also extremely helpful in handling frustration and forgiving yourself.

I will be breaking down exactly how in the next 3 chapters in terms of the 3 reason mentioned above.

1. How to Deal with Frustration (When Things Don’t Go Your Way)

We all know the feeling like it’s the end of the world when things go wrong. Or when we failed to get what we want.

However, we often ended up having an epiphany, realizing why that “bad thing” has to happen for something even better to enter.

Therefore, the best way to apply the Let Them Theory during frustration is to accept what has happened. Allow yourself to be sad about it for sometime, and start thinking about the next right thing.

The magic formula looks like this: Let (the bad thing that happended), so I can (the next right thing). For example:

• Let things not go my way so that I can learn from it and stop focusing on the outcome.
• Let things go wrong so I can practice inner peace and be prepared for the next time.
• Let problems occur so I can learn how to fix it.
• Let me be sad about it for some time so that I can learn and move on from it.

By adopting this mindest, you are signaling to the universe that you are willing to learn, to expand, and to the receive the abundance it has to offer.

We cannot expect everything to go smoothly but we can choose to utilize everything that went wrong for moving closer to our goals.

2. The Best Way to Detach from Other People

When you stop trying to control things that aren’t yours to control, you stop wasting your energy. You reclaim your time, your peace of mind, and your focus. You realize that your happiness is tied to your actions, not someone else’s behavior, opinions, or mood.

Mel Robbins (The Let Them Theory)

Why do other people’s words or actions affect us so much? It’s because we have too much expectations, both for others and for ourselves.

By simply letting others be, we clear up so much mental space for us to work on ourselves. This applies to almost everything related to other people. For example:

• Let them underestimate me so I can ditch my ego and work on myself.
• Let them be successful to show me that I can too.
• Let them think bad thoughts about me so that I can practice strengthening my self-concept.
• Let them ignore me so that I can finally start focusing on myself.

When you say Let Them, you learn from other people’s success and Let Them lead the way. When you say Let Me, you focus on playing the cards in your hand, turning inspiration into action, and winning by playing with others, not against them.

Mel Robbins (The Let Them Theory)

One of the best insights in this book is Mel’s approach to transforming jealousy.

Instead of seeing other people’s achievements as a lack of our ability to achieve the same, we see them as living proof for us to have it too.

This is especially true if they achieved or got something that we desperately wanted.

We often have the urge to compare their achievements to our current state, and get frustrated that we don’t have the same results (yet).

Usually, this sounds like: “Wow! She achieved something so wonderful. She must be so outstanding and so talented to achieve this. But I haven’t achieved the same thing, which means that I am not smart and talented enough compared to her.” Logically, it doesn’t make any sense but it certainly made so much sense in the jealously spiral!

To exit the spiral, we can instead reframe it as: “She must be so outstanding and so talented to achieve this. But if this is possible for her, why not me? Let her success show me what is possible and how good it can get.”

3. How to Forgive Yourself for Making Mistakes

A lot of the times, we can be so hard on ourselves for making mistakes. But the truth is everyone makes mistakes! Making mistakes doesn’t make us horrible and deserved to be punished. It just means we are human. The best thing is that we get to do something about it.

By allowing ourselves to make mistakes and acknowledging the mistake, we exit the spiral of self-blame and start looking for solutions. For example:

• Let me make mistakes so I can learn from it.
• Let me make mistakes so I can practice self-compassion when things go wrong.
• Let me screw things up so I won’t next time.
• Let me suck at this so I can get better at this.

On the journey of self-development or learning a new skill, it’s important to note that making mistakes is an essential part of the journey. It is when true growth happens. The faster we are able to accept that we made mistakes, the faster we are able to get better at it, the stronger we become.

Final Thoughts

To sum up, most of the unhappiness in life stems from something we can’t accept or let go. Therefore, we regain control of our happiness by embracing whatever happens with an open heart willinging to learn from it, knowing that things are always working out in our favor.

Hope this helps! Thank you so much for reading. If you find this interesting, make sure to check out the original book. You can find it here. Wishing you the best on your self-development journey!