Ever find yourself constantly relying on other people’s approval to feel valued or worthy? Everything they say or do seems to have a large impact on your mood and energy. I have totally been there. As someone who used to struggle so much with people pleasing and low self-worth, I am so excited to share with you everything about overcoming people pleasing and building real inner confidence.
These lessons have transformed my life in every aspect for the better. I hope that you can walk away from this article with all the wisdom to start loving yourself, knowing that you are already worthy and enough without the need of anyone’s approval.
1. There Are Things Way More Important than Being Liked by Others
People pleasing is the result of a false belief that we have to change ourselves to be liked by others.
This in itself is an overemphasis of being liked by others. But in reality, there are so many things way more important than this.
I had a conversation with my grandfather at the hospital the day I struggled the most with people pleasing in university.
I asked him, “During all these years, what do you think is the most important thing in life?” His answer was – Health.
Without health, we lose our freedom to live freely, to do anything we want, and to spend time with our loved ones.
This made me realize that in the grand scheme of things, external opinions mean nothing.
So many good things in life worth working towards
By focusing on the things that actually matter, the mind naturally becomes less fixated on gaining external approval.
🖋 Journaling Prompts
- Apart from being liked or appreciated by others, what are 3 things that matter a lot to you? Why do they matter?
- Ask someone more elderly or someone with more wisdom and experience what they think is the most important thing in life. Write down their answers and reason behind them.
- What is something you will be working towards if you don’t have to worry about fitting in?
- What are 3 things (or people) you deeply appreciate in life?
- What are 3 beautiful things in life that you took for granted?
2. The Power of Solitude
One major reason behind people pleasing is because we fear having no friends and being seen alone.
However, the truth is those times we choose to spend alone are our most powerful assets.
We can do so many valuable things alone.
I remember when I started spending time alone instead of going out with others, I realized that there were suddenly so much free time to start working on myself!
Some ideas to make the best of your alone time
The moment we start enjoying our solitude, and being comfortable with our thoughts is the moment we take back our power. This is the moment we realize that we don’t need anyone to feel worthy and content.
3. The Best Way to Make External Voices Lose Their Power Over You
Another reason why we people please is because we are making external validation the major source of our self-worth.
However, external validation isn’t real, so are negative opinions.
Everyone sees the world through different lenses, making their opinions and preferences simply a reflection of their own mind.
This means nobody can truly validate us except for ourselves because we are the only one who know what is really happening inside.
The reason why other people’s words or actions impact us so much is because we aren’t certain about who we are.
We get frustrated or upset due to someone’s words or actions because we think they might be right about us.
Therefore, the best way to combat this is to be clear on who we are, and start aligning our actions accordingly.
So next time you find yourself getting affected by someone’s words or actions, start seeking clarity on that particular area of your life.
By getting crystal clear on who you are as a person, external noises start losing power over you.
🖋 Journaling Prompts
- What type of comments do you tend to get offended by easily? What are they mostly about?
- What action from others triggers you the most? Is there an underlying negative belief?
- If the same comments and actions are done to your favorite self, how would you respond? What is the thought process?
4. Other People will Treat You the Way You Treat Yourself
The more you respect yourself, the more others will.
When you start respecting yourself, you become less likely to settle for less than you deserve or allow other people to step over you.
This is exactly why people pleasing damages our relationships. People pleasing causes us to lose self-respect by bending over backwards to please others.
Therefore, the best way to stop this is to start treating yourself with respect.
Treating yourself with respect is all about choosing yourself first, making decisions that will benefit in the long run, doing what you say you are going to do, and speaking kind words to yourself.
Together, these small actions will start building up your confidence and self-respsect.
Before long, other people will also start treating you with respect. Even if they still purposefully choose to treat you poorly, it simply becomes backgroud noise because you are now focused on other better things in life.
🖋 Journaling Prompts
- What is one simple action you can take to start treating yourself with respect?
- How do you want to be treated by others?
- What area in life do you treat yourself with the least respect? What action can you start taking today to change this?
Final Thoughts
Because people pleasing is hyper fixated on the external, the best solution is to start focusing on the internal. So start embracing solitude, exploring yourself, being your own best friend, treating yourself the way you wanted to be treated. I assure you that this is going to create so much love and peace within yourself, without needing anyone’s approval.
However, this doesn’t mean that it’s wrong to seek support from others. It means that you no longer rely on their validation to feel valued and content with yourself.
To learn more about creating love and peace, you can also check out my articles about building unconditional self-worth and navigating modern life with peace and detachment. Thank you so much for reading! Wish you the best on your self-development journey.
