This article is all about making peace with everything that happened, inspired by the book “The Obstacle is the Way” by Ryan Holiday. I will also provide actionable steps and journaling prompts to help you take action and seek clarity.
We’ve all had the experience when there seems to be obstacles everywhere. Everything keeps going wrong, and nothing seems to be working out for us, at least we thought so.
In the book “The Obstacle is the Way“, Ryan Holiday talks about how obstacles are only obstacles due to our perceptions of them. By reframing the way we see obstacles, they become the best way foward.
Below are the 4 best mindset shifts from this book that will changed the way you see all kinds of issues and hardships in life. From denials of your abilities to opportunities for moving forward and cultivating inner peace.
1. Look for Opportunities
Everything can be flipped, seen with this kind of gaze: a piercing look that ignores the package and sees only the gift.
Ryan Holiday (The Obstacle is the Way)
There are few things in life that are actually good or bad, just our perceptions of them.
With the right mindset, we can develop the ability to see the beauty in everything and everyone.
Few months ago, I had a conversation with a friend who was worried about a job interview because (she thought) there was nothing good about her she could talk about.
To solve this, I decided to play a game where she told me everything she didn’t like about herself and I am going to reframe the exact same thing into her unfair advantage.
In the end, I managed to reframe everything she said into something she started to admire about herself. Here are some examples:
Insecurity: My introverted nature makes me bad at making connections with people.
Unfair advantage: You introversion is what allows you to form deeper connections with people and potential customers. Because of this, you are able to understand the customers’ needs at a deepr level and come up with a better solution, compared to those that only scratches the surface.
Insecurity: I easily get caught up on the details that leads me down rabbit holes, making me indecisive and failing to see the bigger picture.
Unfair advantage: This is exactly why you are so good at spotting logical errors that most people overlook. Your detailed orientated nature makes you an excellent problem solver. This ability will easily manifest in environments where loads of information are connected to each other, where small errors can lead to huge systematic issues. When this happens, you will be the one to point out the error.
As you can see, the same personality traits viewed from a different perspective produces different results. The same goes for everything we experience in life. It’s all about the perspective.
Actionable Step
List 5 personality traits you are insecure or don’t like about yourself. Try to shift your perspective and see the beauty in it. You can ask someone you trust and understands you at a deeper level for help with this.
🖋 Journaling Prompts
- What personality traits are you insecure about yourself? Why do you feel insecure about them?
- What are your unfair advantages on the flip side of those insecurities?
- What is something bad or frustrating that happened to you recently?
- How can you shift your perspective and see the good in those “bad” events?
2. Embrace what Happened
I feel great about it. Because if it happened, then it was meant to happen, and I am glad that it did when it did. I am meant to make the best of it.
Ryan Holiday (The Obstacle is the Way)
A lot of the times, our frustration comes little from the problem itself but our resistance towards reality (aka what already happened).
A few months ago, I make a mistake that resulted in me unable to attend an important exam.
This meant that I have to wait for another semester to take the exam, while all my classmates have already finished the exam and proceed to the next level.
I was devastated upon learning about the news because all I thought about was the plans I ready made after the exam (what could be).
However, things started shifting when I decided to embrace what happened and to make the best of this semester to achieve my extracurricular goals.
I felt at peace with what happened and grateful to have obtained a valuable lesson that taught me how to remain calm in similar situations in the future.
We get so caught up on what could be, which leaves us frustrated by what already happened in reality.
The truth is, we always have the choice to accept what has happened and make the best of it.
This in fact is the key to inner peace, where you choose to embrace whatever happened and turn them into fuel. As a result, nothing external can truly harm you.
If you are interested about how letting go can apply to other problems in life such as detaching from others and forgiving yourself for making mistakes, feel free to check out this article about regaining control of your happiness.
Actionable Step
Next when in face of something bad or frustrating, try reminding yourself of your choice to embrace what happened and to make the best of it.
🖋 Journaling Prompts
- When something frustrating happened, what is your first reaction? Do you tend to resist what happened?
- How did you feel when trying to resist reality by ruminating on what could have been?
- How would things turn out if you choose to embrace whatever happens and try to make the best of it?
- What would your confidence and mental health look like if you embraced everything that happened and took valuable lessons out of them?
3. Think More About Others
Whatever you’re going through, whatever is holding you down or standing in your way, can be turned into a source of strength — by thinking of people other than yourself.
Ryan Holiday (The Obstacle is the Way)
If we are to voice our thoughts when experiencing negative emotions, 99% of the time it is about ourselves. Here are some examples:
Anger: We experience anger due to someone’s words or actions that offended us or triggered us a certain way. However, the anger wasn’t present when we tried switching positions with the person we were angry at.
Sadness: We feel depressed when ruminating on “our” past mistakes and failures. But the notice how the sadness always goes away when we felt empathy toward others, and genuinely wanted to help them deal with their past mistakes or failures.
Anxiety: We experience anxiety when thinking about “our” future, afraid of what is going to happen to “us”. But when we shift our mindset to instead think about how to put a smile other people’s face, how to warm their hearts, the anxiety naturally fades away!
Recognize the pattern above? Negative emotions result from being hyper fixated on the self (Ego, it’s you again). This includes our emotions, our problems, our mistakes, our failures, our future, and so on.
Therefore, the best way to overcome this is to think more about other people. Expand the purpose beyond yourself.
Actionable Step
When experiencing negative emotions, try shifting your focus onto helping other people, or try to see things from other people’s perspective.
🖋 Journaling Prompts
- What are your thoughts when experiencing negative emotions such as anger, anxiety, or depression?
- Is there someone you deeply care about and genuinely want them to win?
- How can you channel your negative emotions into something positive by thinking more of people other than yourself?
4. Get Ready to Embark on a New Journey
Each time, you’ll learn something. Each time, you’ll develop strength, wisdom, and perspective. Each time, a little more of the competition falls away. Until all that is left is you: the best version of you.
Ryan Holiday (The Obstacle is the Way)
No matter what happens, remember that you are growing throughout the process.
Everytime, you gain new experiences that you wouldn’t have known otherwise.
As you make constant effort to channel them into wisdom, they are going to build up into something that is going to make huge positive impact on the future.
A fundamental law of achieving is that it doesn’t end. After we successfully overcame an obstacle, another emerges. After we successfully achieved a goal, we are always going to find something meaningful to go after.
Therefore, the true meaning lies within the wisdom we collected along the way.
Every time something happens, we move a bit closer to our best selves because of the wisdom we obtained.
This means we should also share the wisdom for it to inspire those in need.
So be prepared to embark on a brand new journey with your new found wisdom, knowing that you are going to become a better person regardless of what happens.
Actionable Step
Reflect on your past obatacles, think about what you learned from them.
If you are a Potterhead like me, you can do this while listening to the Hogwarts Sunrise Ambience. The sunrise symbolizes that everything is a new beginning, and that you are well-prepared to start again.
🖋 Journaling Prompts
- What is something frustrated that happened to you in the past?
- What experience or lesson did you gain from it?
- How did the experience or lesson shape the way you deal with obstacles that happen afterward?
Final Thoughts
The key to making peace with everything is to start viewing them as opportunities insead of obstacles.
- Looking for opportunities allows you practice seeing the good in everything and find ways to level up from what happened.
- Embracing what happened stops you from spiraling into the problem and start looking for solutions.
- Thinking about others also stops you from spiraling by expanding your purpose onto other people.
- Getting ready to start again allows you to turn what you learned into wisdom to help overcome upcoming obstacles and to inspire others.
Hope this helps! Thank you so much for reading! If you find this interesting, make sure to check out the original book. You can find it here. Wish you the best in your self-development journey!
